Essay: On Jewish humor and golf...

Jesus is playing a round of golf, against a very old man.

Now Jesus, is not known for being a good sport - nor a good golfer - so he tees off first; screw the elderly. So Jesus tees off; after a death defying swing, his ball lands in a pond. No worries: this is Jesus, so his Divine Ball floats; thus, staying in the game. Jesus smirks, and starts walking - really slow - to the banks of the pool, towards his ball. Next, he walks across the water towards the floating ball...

Now, this is only par three, so the flag on the green is already in sight. Jesus whacks the ball again, misses it again, and again; this time with an Iron Nine; just to make sure...

What follows is devastating; trees collapse, bushes burn, high grass turns into tinder, frogs leap out of the pond, the sight is hindered with swarms of locusts, fire falls from the sky... By some Divine Miracle, the ball lands on the green; though Jesus is all soaked up in his effort, with his hair on fire, and his eyebrows scorched...

Next up: the old man has to tee. He walks up to the teeing box; five minutes go by. Bends over, to tee his ball; five minutes. Gets in position to swing; five minutes. With what seems to be his last powers, he manages to hit the ball; only after several swings... Unfortunately, also his ball lands in the same pond; some thirty yards away. But this time the ball sinks...

Jesus breaks out in an insane frenzy of laughter, lying on his back in the pond...
But then, another mischief happens; a large fish swallows the old men's ball, and swims away... Ball out of play; the old man lost...

What follows now, is not for the fainthearted. Jesus throws off his wet garment, stark raving mad from malicious delight. He gets up, out of the puddle, and starts scrambling towards the green; all dripping. Through some Divine Intervention, his ball landed just inches away from a hole-in-two, and then some idle swings; a Birdie... At least, Jesus can hold on to par...

But then, a sudden gust of wind hits the scenery; a struck of lightning hits the pond, and in a second the sky is clearing and the sun breaks out again... Suddenly an eagle flashes from the sky, grabs the fish out of the pond, plus the old men's ball...

By now, Jesus is crawling across the green, naked; he is seriously grabbed by Jewish Humor... But then - yet - another struck of lightning, in broad daylight...

The eagle startles, drops the fish...
The fish lands on the green, spews out the ball...
The ball goes in the hole...
Hole in one; an Eagle...

Jesus wrings out his washed up clothing, and says: "Dad. If you want to play like this, I quit."